Old Friend, New Hope

If ever there was a roller coaster day, by god it was today. 

6:07 a.m. My alarm goes off (for the second time), and just as I'm about to hit snooze again, my husband rolls over and mumbles, "are you going to get up and get in the shower?"

I'm not a morning person (AT ALL), and I have never claimed to be. So amidst pitch darkness and the chimes of my alarm, I stomp out of bed, yell a decisive "I'M TRYING!", dramatically grab my glasses and water bottle off my nightstand, and huff to the bathroom with a grand slam of the bathroom door.

Overkill?

Probably.

But I hate 8:00 a.m. classes, especially when I'm not the one taking them.

12:05 p.m.  I arrive at the annual luncheon for my scholarship foundation and immediately spot my 93 year old benefactor.  With that familiar sting in my nose signaling the tears to come, I walk over and catch him in a huge embrace, telling him how much his generosity has meant to me over all these years.

After I pass through the buffet line with as much restraint as I can muster, I settle in at a table of fellow scholar alumni.  We go around the table...doctors, lawyers, lobbyists, journalists, me.  I try not to get intimidated, remembering that I'm accomplished and amazing in my own way.  About this time, the program begins and a video plays about Mr. Terry and his incredible journey from making 34 cents an hour during the Great Depression to writing over $77 million in scholarship checks in the last 23 years. 

Again, my eyes well up with emotion, and I am completely small again, lost in a room full of giants.

I leave in a daze, walking through the rain with a heart full of gratitude and contemplation, thinking about that girl ten years ago who won this incredible scholarship and set out to school with all her dreams in front of her.  Me.

2:37 p.m.  I'm back to the real world of now. Work.  Briefing notes.  Emails to be answered.  I am mid-sentence in my reply to something mildly important on the sliding scale of urgency when I notice something amiss.  No folders.  No emails. Where are my emails?

I call the IT team to see what has happened since this morning when they wiped my computer and reloaded my backup data.  Surely three years of work can't be gone.

Yes, my friends, it can.

With an "I'm sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused", I get the word that yes, in fact, that portion of my computer's data was overlooked when they were reconfiguring the whole system.  And, yes, it's all gone.  ALL of it. 

Tears.  Frustration.  That "is this seriously worth this much stress" feeling.  Sigh.

6:02 p.m.  I've fought the traffic home, sifted through the tears of mourning over my three years of professional history, and I'm standing in my dining room calling an old friend to confirm dinner. 

She says "do you still want to go?" And I reply back a resounding "OF COURSE!!" all the while promising myself I won't tell her about the damn emails. Who cries over emails? 

So after ten years of not seeing one another I pick up my long lost friend who lives only ten blocks down the road.  We settle in among the comfort of margaritas and queso, and I'm happy again in my day of ups and downs.  I fight off the urge to spill my pathetic email sob story and instead talk about life - dreams, hopes, goals, disappointments.

We're both laying it out there.  Laughing.  Exhaling.  Just being.  I can sense that there's so much more to be said, but for now this is enough. 

It was the perfect end to such an uncertain day, and it gives me hope for new friendships, new fun and a new faith in tomorrow.  A little dose of silliness.  A dash of not taking yourself too seriously.  And a pinch of tomorrow is another day.

Everyone is Beautiful

Recently I e-stumbled upon a woman named Katherine Center.  My sister follows the blogs of some of her friends and friends of friends, and had shared the trailer for her latest book on her own blog.  It immediately had me hooked, not just because of the name - Everyone is Beautiful - but because it came at exactly the right time for me.

I needed encouragement.  I have needed it for a while.  Especially as it related to writing and dreaming.

The trailer, the book, and Katherine's story all spoke to me.  Mostly I think because she seemed so real to me.  Right down the road in Houston, Texas.  And so accessible.

I was moved to reach out to her, but for fear of being the crazy woman on the other end of a random email, I resisted the urge.  But the loving prodding from a friend finally made me take the chance.

I told her of my dream to write, to encourage women, and to be enough.  It was so Lacy of me.  She's the one who normally reaches out to complete strangers and forms beautiful bonds, not me.

But Katherine was lovely and wrote back within minutes.  She pushed me to write more, a few pages everyday.  And to plow forward even when life gets in the way.  It is stuff you already know, but coming from someone else, for some reason, it sinks in.

I had not yet read her books so I immediately sought out my own copy of Everyone is Beautiful and dove right in.  I had intended to start and finish the book on my flights to and from Seattle the week before last, but as I've been sick on and off for the past couple weeks, I spent more time sleeping on the plane than I did reading and made it only about half way through.

So this past week Brian was out of town at a conference, and I took the rare time alone to get in bed early and curl up with the second half of her book.  I was only going to read for 15 or 30 minutes, just long enough to wind down and get to sleep early.  But 2 hours and about 27 tears later, I finished the last page of the novel and let out a deep, cleansing sigh.

It was everything I had hoped and expected and more.

It was a relatable, honest love story, and immediately my heart ached for Brian. I texted him a simple "I miss you" and lay there inspired, wishing there was another 100 pages to consume.

Since that day last week, I haven't quite jumped in and started my book just yet, but I feel myself getting there.  I've been stringing thoughts together on the page as often as the urge strikes, and I feel like I have new fervor.

I'm reminded of the story my friend told me about God knowing exactly how many failures you'll have to endure before you finally get that win.  And I'm thinking maybe I've peeked and am on the downhill slope in that department.

Either way, I highly recommend Katherine's book!  And my book...when it comes out.  :)