A Musical Moment: Fear Fades to Love

Have you ever thought about all the things you're afraid of and you tell yourself you CAN'T do or could NEVER try? Why do we do this to ourselves, right?

Well, one of those things for me was playing the guitar. I absolutely adore the acoustic guitar and most any song that includes someone strumming soulfully while singing from the heart. But I've always told myself that I could never play. I'm not even sure why or when or how I came up with this ridiculous assertion, but I know it has something to do with people telling me along the way that I'm not musical and I can't really sing.

So what? Last I checked Britney Spears isn't exactly belting out tunes like Whitney Houston and yet she feels confident enough to get out there and jiggle and gyrate to the sound of her own voice. Much love to Britney by the way.

So as part of my soulful return to authentic, adorable, awesome Kayla, I decided a little over 6 weeks ago that I could play the guitar if I wanted to damnit! You'll remember my giddy Craigslist trek to purchase it here. 

I wanted to do something for me...about me...with me, yet still share that with Brian. So I decided that while I was indulging my right brain with the joyful noises coming from my guitar, I'd learn a song for Brian's birthday. With the clock ticking down each week, the pressure was on....

And by God I did it!!!

But here's the really crazy part... Along the way a friend suggested that I share my song on Facebook. 

Uh, no thank you.

I'll let my man hear me. Okay, and my friend Tina who was helping me learn each week. But the big, bad world of the internet? That didn't sound like a very loving way to be tender with myself.

But just as I was neck-deep in full resist-mode, I had one of those shining a-ha moments. If I'm scared of something, it's probably a pretty good indication that there's a neon-lighted opportunity to grow waiting right there on the other side of that fear.

So I did it. With an open (yet timid) heart, I posted the video with this message at about 7pm last night: 

"My apologies to The Pogues... This was one of my birthday presents for Brian's 30th. Keep in mind I first picked up a guitar 6 weeks ago, okay? Be kind.... ;)" 

And I have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of love... With 35 comments and counting, I received the biggest blessing the Universe could have possibly given me...all the encouragement, support, cheers, kudos and love I guess I missed somewhere along the way to get to the decision that I COULDN'T sing...I COULDN'T play the guitar...I'm NOT musical.

I don't doubt that it was there in my life, but I was obviously choosing to hear the negative. I was choosing the fear. So I was choosing to limit myself.

Tears well in my heart yet again as I type this. If I had given in to the fear...if I had taken the easy road and not put it out there...I wouldn't have received this amazing gift of love.

My mentor Allison has a blog called "this magic life" and that's exactly what I'm feeling today....unbridled LOVE for this magic life.

And for this brave girl...