Enough

I just read my blog post from yesterday and it literally brought tears to my eyes. It's so funny (well, maybe sad) how hard I have been on myself in this life. It's definitely a trait I'm working on leaving in 2011 as the calendar changes to a new year in a few short weeks. 

As I re-read my public self-dialogue about allowing myself to be where I'm at, I couldn't help but feel compassion...love for this woman trying to encourage herself and somehow help others along the way. 

I wrote that blog yesterday in the midst of self-doubt...in the middle of a day filled with questions and angst. And today I read it and just see the most inwardly beautiful, brave girl in those words. That's the view of me I want to hang onto. That's the "adjustment" I want to make in the way I view things...namely me.

Journey mentality to me means that today is enough. If I'm living joyfully today, spending my time doing uplifting things, and generally spreading love, then today wins. I don't have to "accomplish" anything. I don't have to "get" anywhere. I don't have to "achieve." I just get to be me....loving, funny, brave, healthy, happy, joyful, giving, authentic and fun.

Tears flow down my cheeks as the gravity of this really sinks in. I've been saying over and over again for weeks now "I approve of myself"...."I am enough"....and I think this is the moment of realization that I'm finally starting to feel that way. And it literally shakes me to my core.

I know to some extent these are tears of celebration, but I feel so deeply sad at the same moment. I mourn for that girl of the last 30 years who has felt that just waking up in the morning with her wild curly hair and her bright blue eyes wasn't enough. I feel so deeply the ache of her heart wanting to be loved, accepted, appreciated, validated. I want to take her in my arms and rock her gently...whispering of her mighty worth.

The vision I would like to have for my life?

Peace. Joy. Love. Worthiness. Happiness. Abundance. Hope. Creativity. Authenticity. Fun.

I want to wake up every morning and say "I'm enough" and I want to believe it wholeheartedly. 

Because it's true. 

And the me whose inspired fingers dance across the keyboard in the zen of writing knows that it's true.

The me who does crazy dances around condo-mini after a great coaching call with a client knows it's true.

The me who gets lost in the beauty of her beautiful sprouting baby chard knows it's absolutely, 100% true.

And I adore and trust all of those versions of me. 

So it must be true.